Although I have traveled down dark roads at a very young age, I have come as far as I have because I am not alone. God has been holding my hand through it all. When I could not find my way through darkness, He carried me. When I cried myself to sleep, He rocked me in his arms. When I doubted he was even there, He forgave me. He has given me the strength to share this chapter of my life with you. As it says in the Bible, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil. 4.13). I live and breathe and rise above the evil through the strength and courage He has given. -Living For Today pg-87.
Everyone in life has been hurt in one way or another through the actions or words of someone else. We can choose to stay angry and bitter toward those who have hurt us, or we can lt go and live fulfilled lives, not being tied down by our pain but instead rising above and growing from it. Forgiveness is a choice we humans can make. There is no time limit to reaching the point of forgiveness. For some it may take decades; for other it may seem impossible. I do not judge those who cannot forgive, nor do I preach forgiveness to survivors. I only share the gift I have found in my own journey to forgiveness pg-178
If you are reading this I want you to think of your worst enemies. Who was that person or persons? What did they do? Now ask yourself this. What do you wish upon your worst enemy if you could have anything happen to them with no limits?
My worst enemy are the two individuals who exposed me to the evil in this world. The cousin whose last time alone with me was spent chasing me through his house and eventually locking me in his parent’s bedroom and assaulting me for hours. It was like he turned into a wild animal and lost complete control. I’ve often wondered what was racing through his head that night. Was he out of his mind? Was Satan cheering him on? Then I wonder does he ever relive that day and all the other days he abused me the way I have relived them or has he just tried to forget about it because of the guilt and shame he carries. When he crosses paths with me unexpectedly I often wonder if he is completely not phased or if deep down he is saying “Why do I have to be reminded of my past mistakes?”
Then there is the other man in my life that exposed me to evil at a young age. The man that used his power and control to silence and rape a child. He threatened to tie to me to a bed. He ignored my screams but used his hands to shut me up. He killed my innocence that day. Why I’ve asked myself over the years, why didn’t he physically kill me that day. Why did he allow me to live? How could he have known I would not run home and tell? Did he know he was going to get away with it? Did he tell me things I don’t remember that that kept me silent? I often wonder if there are things I have blocked out.
I know I will never get the answers to everything and I may ask what if questions the rest of my life. What if Brian never abused my sister and me, what would our lives look like now? What if I told the day I was raped? What if he did kill me that day? It would be the story I would of taken to my grave and a voice that would of never been heard.
Now going back to my original question. “What do you wish upon your worst enemies?”
I wish not death upon them nor suffering. I wish God’s grace on them. I wish God bring them both down on their kneels begging for His mercy on their lives. I wish God would protect them from evil temptations. I wish the man that raped me as a child would come to find God and realize he needs to take responsibility for his actions.
I hope the cousin that molested me and destroyed exactly what he said would be destroyed “our family” would come to realize the significance of his actions when he holds his first child for the first time and wants nothing more in the world then to protect his children from the monster he once was and hopefully no longer is. I really hope having children give him an understanding of what my parents had to endure.
I wish for my two worst enemies God’s protection from Satan and opening their hearts to a path walking along with God.