January 2011

With January being the start of a new year so many have new years resolutions others look at is as a new start. Of the 12 months of the year I look at each day in January as just a day closer to the month being over.

I don’t like the month at all and I know that is not a good attitude to have but I have so many days in January that are not pleasant reminders including today January 4th. Today 13 years ago I stopped liking chocolate. If you read either of my books Stolen Innocence or Living For Today the reason why is answered in there. If you turn to page 39-41 of Stolen Innocence or page  9 in Living For Today I explain there.

On January 12th it will mark 3 years since my life was changed forever in a new way that affects my life ever day when I had a seizure while driving that I now take medication for every day and night, caused me to be hospitalized twice, and see so many different doctors over the years because of it. I like to be in denial about the seizure condition I have because it just brings up too much anxiety, fear, panic, etc. Better to just not think about it.  January 11, 2008 was the last day before my life was changed because of it. I now have family members that try to use my seizure condition as a reason to why I cannot live independently. Which only makes me want to be on my own more which will happen sooner then later.  The biggest thing I have learned over the past 3 years from having two seizures  is life can change in the blink of an eye and you know your body better then anyone else including doctors. That entire month of January 2008 I was seeing one doctor after another and undergoing several tests, MRI’s, heart scans, etc. Little did I know what was to come nearly 3 years later.  Which is why I choose not to think about it because what good will getting myself worried do.  I can’t change it or get rid of it. I am stuck with it so I choose not to give it any attention and hate when other people bring it to my attention because it is usually in a negative manner like questioning my lifestyle saying I am putting myself at risk for seizures for things like not getting enough sleep, traveling too much, etc.  It’s my life and I will live it anyway I choose. My life has been at far greater risk because of drugs I was put on because of Epilepsy then anything I have done since this came into my life.  So those that choose to bring this to my attention I have learned to just ignore and would never speak about it on a stage.

The end of January in 1992 I had my innocence killed, trust taken, and life forever changed. I get a phone call on January 13th, 2008 a day after having my first seizure that the man that killed my innocence, took my trust, and changed my life forever has plead the 5th and there is nothing more that can be done.

As you can see I don’t like the month of January and don’t know if I ever will. Maybe some positive things need to start happening in January that is what I pray for. For now I continue to just look at each day being one day closer to February.


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