It has been nearly a year in February since I was in a relationship and there is good reason for that. I had been dating a guy for five months when he decided to end things in an email of all things because he could not longer live by my morals and values.
A month later in March I received a phone call to learn why the previous boyfriend who I had dated all summer in 2007 had broken up with me. This relationship ended abruptly no warning and I didn’t see it coming. He told me there were personal problems going on in his life for his reason that he needed to break up with me. I thought that was his excuse and the truth was he could not live with my morals and values anymore. Even though when I confronted him if my morals and values were the real reason he told me he admired that about me and it had nothing to do with that. I doubted it…but I was wrong and the real reason he broke up with me left me speechless….I had opened my heart to this man, he really got to know my family spending so much time over, and he knew how I have been betrayed in the past. I never imagined he could be the person that he truly was…and I about fell off my chair as a co-worker called me in March to inform me I had been dating a married man all summer. He had a wife that I knew nothing about. It is not exactly what you may think that he was cheating on his wife, the truth is his wife cheated on him and he separated from her but was not divorced. The entire time we dated he failed to ever mention he was still a married man who was separated. I felt sick about it even though I was clueless I felt somewhat trustworthy of him only to find out he was keeping a big secret from me. To this day I do not know why he did not tell me up front. I was not going to sit back and not say anything at all even though it had been seven months since we dated I sent him an email and the very first sentence said “Still married?” It basically went on to tell him how his actions like his are the reason why I stay away from relationships and why I do not trust men. No he didn’t cheat on me he did however owe me that bit of information..you do not just start dating a girl while you are still married without telling her. I do not care if you are separated that is just something you are up front about in a relationship. My mom likes to tell me maybe I was put in his life to help him overcome the fact that his wife cheated on him when I didn’t even know it…I did not think that way about the situation. I look at it as God opening my eyes to not be so quick to jump in relationships and get to truly know someone before a relationship. I have done it so many times with past boyfriends getting in relationships too fast only to find myself breaking up with men after two or three months because I jumped in too fast. I think my biggest challenge for myself is I keep putting myself in relationships like this because I feel like it will make me get over my trust issues when the truth is it won’t.
I have learned over the past year that if I am ever to get into a relationship again it will begin with dating to get to know someone to know if this person is someone I want to begin a relationship with. I also learned something else for so many years I was looking for a relationship because I felt it would fix my issues I have with men. When the truth is it is going to take me to overcome the issues I have with men….and the biggest is trusting them.
I set up a new rule for myself nearly a year ago after my last relationship that I would never be on the look-out for a relationship. I live with this believe now that there is that certain someone out there that I will spend the rest of my life with we just have not met. However I know this person will be someone that will come into my life in such a random way. I just have that feeling in my heart that our lives will cross paths in a unique way. Not the stories of the guy giving you his number at a bar or meeting at work. Not the guy sitting in one of my grad classes…no I feel something bigger then that…but what that is I have yet to find out but I do know it will be someone that first and foremost will earn my trust and respect my morals and values.
I began this post by talking about my last relationship ended with a man who could not respect my morals and values anymore. So you may be wondering what exactly are those morals and values.
1. Saving myself for marriage…I have put my foot down in many relationships because they wanted me to go against this…but I know how to stand my ground firmly when it comes to men and can remember so clearly the first relationship I was in as a senior in h.s. in the apartment of my boyfriend’s house who told me had a surprise for me on my birthday but I had to close my eyes and promise not to peek. He went into his bedroom and my mind began to think of all things I honestly thought he was going to ask me to marry him….WRONG….his birthday surprise was coming out of the bedroom completely naked and telling me my birthday gift was taking my virginity….I came so close to spitting in his face….I told him to take a hike, pushed him out of my way, and left very fast…he did chase me out to the parking lot after throwing on some boxers and a coat over himself only to stand in front of my car and keep me from moving….I told him he was messing with the wrong person and he better back off…I never saw him again in my life.
2. Someone that shares my same faith. I have been in too many relationships with guys who do not have a relationship with God, have no faith, and I really have seen how that has been a problem in so many of my past relationships.
3. Finally someone that will support the decisions I make with my life because I have so many dreams I have yet to accomplish and a mission that has been apart of my life for so long and I will take it with me the rest of my life. And if anyone knows me they know I go after what I set out to accomplish not letting anyone stop me in my way.