Rollercoaster of emotions

I know I have not been updating very regular and that is because I have been swamped writing grad papers and writing social histories on students I see for upcoming meetings. It takes me staying up past my bedtime to find time to blog. I have some exciting news I have been waiting some time for. I received my contract for my 2nd book from my publishing company set to be published and in stores in Fall 2009. I cannot express how happy I am knowing what this book might do for others. This book was far more difficult to write then the last. It took me over two and a half years to complete but in the end I know it will be worth it. I feel something incredible will come out of this book. I am not yet sure what that will be but I have a good feeling about it.
It is such an accomplishment to get one book published now with the thought of a second I sit back in amazement at the transformation my life has taken me on. The mere fact that I am getting my masters degree in 10 months blows me away. I do not doubt myself for a second when it comes to getting anything completed as my theory is if you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything. You just have to believe in yourself.

I wish I had an update on the article for the local paper but I do not. I have not heard from the reporter in 3 weeks. I find that strange. I figure by now she would have come back to me and said they want you to use your real name or they agreed to use your pen name. Maybe there is some legal stuff that takes time on their end…to be honest I am clueless and just continue to wait until I hear something.

Finally I will end this by saying I returned somewhere this past weekend I never imagined I would ever have the courage to face. In fact a year and a half ago just walking through the parking lot of this place brought back memories. I talk in the beginning of my book about the first time my cousin “Brian” ever abused me. It was in a hotel that each condo is individually owned by someone. My grandparents owned one of these condos and happened to reserve the night back in Sept. 1996 when my sister, cousins, and I spent the night. It was there where we ordered pizza and my cousins took off leaving me behind to fall asleep on the ground on an air mattress where I would later wake in the middle of the night to the first time my cousin ever abused me. I remember the room number, I remember walking down the halls of the hotel the next morning just wanting to be back in my own home.

Well I have always said I would never stay there again. The place is called “The Cove of Lake Geneva” In fact I have always said when I meet Mr. right and get married I would get married in Lake Geneva. That would be one place I have always said I would never list for people to stay at of all the numerous hotels and resorts I could list off. It just was the beginning place of what would become of terrible events to unfold in my life.
Then I learn a friend I have known since I was 4 was having her 24th birthday party in Lake Geneva. She rented out to Condo’s in the Cove so that we had a place to drink before going to the bars, and could all walk to the bars all night in town and walk back and sleep at the hotel. My first thought was “no way” my second thought was “maybe this can be a way to turn a negative place in my life into a more positive one” my final thought was with everything I have done in my life overcoming so much, confronting my past, speaking to thousands, writing books, etc that maybe I am ready for this and strong enough to face it. Honestly though when I decided to do it I was nervous. You see I just never know when something will trigger me to be brought back to my past and this step I was about to take this weekend was a good indicator that I was setting myself up for trouble. A decision I would have to deal with for making. Then again I reminded myself my cousin’s actions do not control my life I will not allow his past actions to keep me from what is suppose to be a fun night out with friends.

My younger sister came home from college for the party with her college friend. Our childhood friend Emily also came. There were over 20 of us there. As the elevator doors opened I was glad to know we were staying on the 4th floor and not 2nd. It was the 2nd floor where my grandparents condo used to be. When we went into the room I was so glad to see both rooms were a completely different design then the one my grandparents had. Phew!
It was strange however to be back in there 12 years later. Little did I know when I was 11 and never wanted to return to my grandparents condo again that it would take 12 years until I did.
I must say I am glad I did not bail out and decided not to go. Like I told myself what is the worst that could happen I have some flashback, and a flashback would not kill me.
The night was so much fun and I will end this with photos from the evening.

Emily and I
At one of the Lake Geneva Bars

Group shot without the guys!
Taking a picture of the girls taking a shot


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