Writing Late into the Night
Usually if I find myself up late at night like tonight writing on my blog it means there is a lot on my mind. Could it be that the 9 busiest weeks out of the year are taking place right now as I travel to 8 states and have 12 speaking engagements which involve lots of flying, rental cars, sleep in hotels, and people watching in airports. Many people close to me worry about me when I travel. Concerned about my safety and my health. These next 9 weeks is a true test to my health and making sure I get enough sleep and am not stressed out. People often ask me do you get nervous traveling alone, isn’t it scary going places you have never been. I have been so independent in my life that I don’t get scared or nervous. I really do enjoy flying new places, meeting new faces, and driving to new areas.
I am really not going alone God always goes with me. He has been there through some of my darkest hours in my life and He is next to me in rental cars as I drive across states getting to a speaking engagement. He is the only person in my life I am accountable to. He is the only person I cannot hide from who knows everything. So God is that one person I turn to on a daily basis for guidance, direction, prayer, questions, and answers. He knows what I wrestle with in my life, He knows the path I am headed down, He has all the answers and I put all my faith and trust in Him. He is the one person throughout my life I feel I can go to no matter what time it is and what it has to do with. What is so amazing about God is when you have a faith in Him he answers. Maybe not right away but the answers come. Sometimes you just have to look. I have found through the trials in my life Him constantly showing up. There are so many stories I hold onto that I wait to share in a book one day on My Walk With God and the answers He gave me. The ways He has shown up in my life has been incredible and He continues to show me if you believe in me, have patience, and faith I will show you.
There is so much of this life I am living that I never could of imagined. My vision for myself at 26-years-old was to be a high school graduate, married, and stay at home mom with two kids by now. If someone would of sat down with me at 16-years-old and told me in ten years you will hold a masters degree, published author of two books, passed a law, fly the country as a keynote speaker in front of thousands on sexual abuse, appear on Oprah, and be single I would respond like this. ( “What are you on?” Because I wouldn’t believe it. My response would be “I’d be lucky if I even got into college? Published author yeah on what and how the heck do you do that? Pass a law where do you even begin? Keynote speaker on sexual abuse I have a hard time opening up to the school psychologist about what happened to me and your saying I am going to be giving speeches about this. I don’t talk to anyone about it. That would be my last career choice and I am afraid to fly. Appearing on Oprah would be amazing, I won’t be single I want my first kid by age 20).
It is pretty amazing how our lives can be completely different from what we imagine the future to look like. The one thing I do no that no matter how much I imagined at 16 years old where I would be at 26 and how much I imagine where I will be in ten years at 36, there is one thing I will always take with me and that is the memory in me that holds the trauma from my childhood that will never go away. I have always known this will always be with me something I cannot erase. It is the biggest area of my life where I have leaned onto God for support the most in the darkest hours when I have felt the weakest. It is Him I have been able to turn to late at night asking him to hold me, calm me down, protect me, take my hand and walk with me through this, comfort me, heal me, love me, answer me, and He has tugged at my heart to listen to what he is saying.
He is the one that continues to show me a purpose behind pain and that good can come out of bad. Sometimes I have to be patient but in the end He comes through and I am just thankful there is that one person in my life I can go to no matter what even if it is two in the morning and I can’t sleep. Because without Him I would not only not be the person I am I would not survive. The great thing is He is there for all of us the sad thing is not everyone has a relationship with Him.The greatest gift my parents gave me as a child is raising me with a faith in God. There is nothing better then that they could of given me. My greatest day or night will come when I am back in His arms. I dream of that day.
While I am up late with more on my mind then I would ever care to share. I am grateful for the relationship I have with my Him. And it is Him I will lean on tonight.
